One Day, One Session, At A Time

I almost backed out of C26 Triathlon Volume Camp days beforehand. Yes, it’s true. I wanted to go, but I didn’t want to get out of my comfort zone despite being told it would be a life-changing experience. I was looking for excuses to stay home. The drama was thick. My responses to FB posts about upcoming camp were consistent: I’m gonna die!!! Yes, I was neck deep in fears … fear of the unknown, fear of new people, fear of new places, fear of not being provided the workouts in advance, fear of not being able to keep up with others, fear of being judged, fear of not doing it right, fear of blah blah blah. I wasted so much time and energy on all the things out of my control. 

Nevertheless I persisted. I showed up; I leaned in. And I learned a heck of a lot about myself.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

While loading the car at home, I remarked that my bike could go on the rack last (closest to vehicles behind us on the road) because getting hit would mean I’d get a new bike. I thought I was being sassy. The Universe had other plans.

While worming our way through Nashville’s highways at lunchtime on Wednesday, we were rear ended (yes, really a bump but still). Despite telling our daughter Grete frequently “You’ll just have to sit with your emotions,” I did not sit with my emotions. I could not stay in the car even after telling John that he would be dealing with the other driver. I just had to look at my bike and bark at the drivers to exchange insurance information. 

Back on the road, anxiety about my bike had me twirly as a bed bug. Yes, the bike looked fine when we stopped for a late lunch. I couldn’t trust appearances and needed to ride her to ensure she was unharmed. Once Grete was off to Atlanta with my mother, I gave the bike a quick safety check and ride. 

I learned the 1 Step bike racks are amazing and take a bump from a car with at best a smudge. I learned (again) that sitting with my feelings would have felt better in the end than regretting my bitching and moaning over the possibility (not the confirmed fact) that my bike was damaged. 

SETTLING IN

Our Airbnb for camp was all of a block from a pocket playground. Grete enjoyed her time there while we waited for her driver to Atlanta to arrive. She also met our house mates and voiced her desire to stay for the fun with new friends. With Grete off with my mom, we quickly got to work helping each other bring in all the triathlon gear. It wasn’t long until we were off to the camp welcome dinner. 

I’ve never before been so grateful for “Hello, my name is” name tags. With almost 40 people participating in camp, there were a heck of a lot of new faces. As I often tell Grete about her classmates, “People are more alike than different.” 

After the standard round-robin of “state your name, where you’re from and what number camp this is for you,” Coach closed the evening by detailing the expectations and plans for the days ahead. He’s not a verbose person. I’ll string it out for you: Be on time, which means geared up and ready and waiting for instructions; be responsible and respectful of everyone’s time; we’ll have fun while being safe; being 10 minutes early is actually being on time. 

DAY 1: Open Water for
Swim Technique Work

You’ve got to earn Second Breakfast
by showing up at the day’s first workout.

Have I mentioned how hard it is for me to show up at a place new to me with people new to me to do something yet to be revealed? Yes, well it’s really forking hard mental work. 

We arrived at Anderson Road Recreation Area and got ready to swim in the lake. Coach split us up into 2 groups: Camp First-Timers vs Camp Veterans. We camp newbies listened to Coach teach us all about how to swim strong and powerful. Then we formed 2 lines and we were going to swim between the lines one at a time so that everyone could assess our stroke and provide feedback. Had I not experienced Coach’s swim assessment in the Endless Pool back in May, I would have been silently freaking out. Instead I was all about seeing if I had improved my form since then. I took in the group’s feedback (more positives than not) and then Coach said, “I want you to reach out in front even more.” Got it, I can do that. 

During a break, I practiced reaching out even more in front. I didn’t swim much distance, but it helped to reinforce the feedback and to feel comfortable in this new lake. Break over, we came together as one big group to do the same swim assessment for everyone. This is where I lost mental focus. Although I was enjoying Melody (a spitfire of a woman from outside of Atlanta) and her rapid-fire feedback, I was mentally checking out as the wind made my body cold standing in the water. Finally my turn and I swam like I did during my practice. I didn’t hear much feedback from the group (they were likely yelling it while I was swimming). I popped up and Coach said, “Better.” My response: Better than in the Endless Pool? Him: Yes, much better. I gave him a high-five and said, “I’ll take it.” Him: Keep practicing it.

We practiced our individual corrections by swimming against the wind and walking back to the start. That wind was rough and I was mentally tired after 3 rounds. God bless it, the open water session was done and we were off to Second Breakfast. 

Oh, Nash-Vegas, we meet again. At least this time there was plenty of bike porn to take in while stuck in traffic.

Ugly Mugs is where my planning skills shined. I went online while John drove and saw you could order online for pickup. Oh hells yeah! I placed our order and BAM it was ready and waiting when we arrived. We spent the break getting to know new people who happened to be sitting next to us inside the coffee shop. This is when saying “I’m Jennifer, what’s your name?” became a standard part of conversation for me. I wanted to know these people’s names. Calling people by their name is huge for me. When I’m called by name, the message I receive is “I care enough to remember your name and to connect with you.” 

DAY 1: The Lab

Brick Session on an Old Airstrip

The Lab has been this fabled place known to me only by Coach and Mike’s podcast. I’ve been wanting to experience it for myself for quite awhile. Turns out it is as amazing as I thought it would be. The Lab is this no-longer-used airstrip turned into a greenway or park for use by cyclists, runners, walkers, rollerbladers. Who would have guessed that I’d have so much fun riding in a 1.2mi oval with no shade, all sun, headwind one way, tailwind the other way … for 17 times around?!?!?!

Coach gave us the safety briefing and the workout at the appointed roll time. Pass on the left and announce yourself with “On your left.” Careful on the turns. Expect wind. Go execute a 10min warmup and then endless intervals of 5min hard, 5min easy … until he told you to go run (on the inside of the same oval). Turns out when you are having the ride of your life (so far), you really don’t want to hear Coach say as he passes you “Go run.” I have never been so sad that a bike session was over and to be told to stop biking and start running. I even contemplated not following directions and doing a few more loops. I then said to myself, “Self, he did not say go run in 5 minutes or 5 loops. The now part was to be understood without saying it.” 

I got down to business on that run. Even in the full sun and wind, I was running fast and loving it. Then I ran out of hydration after the first mile and had to go in to refill. Getting back out on the track was rough. I wanted to run as strong as before but the same effort was yielding less speed. When I hit 30min, I was done, D-O-N-E. I walked in to the quasi-transition area while taking photos and videos. 

After the debriefing on tomorrow’s where to be when, we head back to the Airbnb. Long live the cold shower. That felt like heaven. Had it not been for the Unappointed House Mom(s), I would have stayed in our bedroom working and missed dinner with a recovery walk there and back. God bless the schedulers and the planners of the world. 

DAY 2: BOOST

Group Pool Workout to Earn Second Breakfast

Have I mentioned how hard it is for me to show up at a place new to me with people new to me to do something yet to be revealed? I know I did. Well, it was still really forking hard to be getting out of my comfort zone again. So I mentally bribed myself with “You get Second Breakfast after the group swim workout. All you have to do is show up, get in pool, do what Coach says to do. Then you get to eat.”

We arrived at Boost with plenty of time to make the 7am “be ready to swim” start time. What we saw on the first sign and first buildings was “Boost Gymnastics” and “Boost Dance.” My response: Oh hell no, I don’t know what fresh hell Coach has planned, but I’m not doing gymnastics or dance. Yoga yes, but I’m a hard no to gymnastics and dance.” 

I made my way to the women’s locker room to find there was no direct entrance to the pool deck. Can’t say that’s happened to me before. Even the jenky Gold’s Gym pools had access from the locker rooms. So we all waited in the hallway at the locked door to the pool deck. Coach arrived and then the aquatics person did. The locked door was opened to reveal … the best pool I’ve swum in (so far). Boost’s pool was indoor-outdoor with a canopy roof that let the breeze through in the few feet uncovered to the pool deck. And best of all, it was saltwater, baby. No allergy attack from chlorine. It was comfortably cold. Absolutely perfect and beautiful. Yes, I geek out on pools. 

After Coach assigned us to lanes … and then bumped me into the pool when I asked my lane mates to make room for me, I got even more out of my comfort zone by swimming with only one person known to me before camp. Houston, things be different than group swim workouts back at home. There was no booming music nor big whiteboard with the workout. J-Ho iOS 3.0 said to me, “Well shit, how we going to dawdle and socialize so that we don’t get better at swimming despite putting in the in-pool time?” J-Ho iOS 5.0 countered with “Coach says we work hard in the pool so we get better, faster, fitter and so race day in open water we swim strong with less effort. Get ready to get better.” 

Coach told us the safety rules of the pool workout: Circle swim. If someone touches your feet, let them pass you at the next wall. No passing in the middle of the lane. Seed yourselves from fastest to slowest after the warmup. 

Knowing only 1 of the 5 people in my lane, I gave way when 2 of them said they’d go second and third. And then we were off on a 300 easy warmup. The third person fell back halfway through the warmup. I was touching the toes of the second person at the end of the warmup.

Coach gave each lane their own workout one set at a time. The coach in me said, “Damn, that’s Jedi level coaching.” The sendoffs were when the last swimmer finished their rep with each swimmer going after the person ahead of them made it to the flags…to be specific, to the first flags. We were given 8 x 50 build. I caught Swimmer #2 soon after turning at the far wall. Touched her toes, didn’t pass as directed, waited for her to move behind me at the wall while the rest of our lane came in. No such luck. We took off again in the same order with the same results. The third time we took off I touched her toes before the far wall and had to breast stroke and scull. She did not wait at the far wall for me to pass. So I said to myself, “Self, fuck this. I’m done playing small. I’m breaking the rules and passing in the lane.” 

I went all out to the wall and said, “Hells yeah” with a fist pump to myself. I looked at her and said, “I’m sorry.” That so did not sit well with J-Ho ios 5.0. I turned back to her and said, “No, wait. That’s not what I mean to say. Thank you for helping me grow today.” I gave her a high-five and she still looked bewildered. Yes, The Universe sent her to help me grow and learn. 

From that moment on, I had a different confidence in myself. Swimming was fun again. I felt strong in the water. I had the most fun while working hard during a group swim workout ever! What do I attribute that to? A switch in my brain flipped. I no longer wanted to phone it in or defer to others in order to not rock the boat. I wanted to be unabashedly me, J-Ho ios 5.0, knowing that some people will like me just as I am and some will not like me at all and everything in between. In short, I had become disenchanted with being less than my fullest, best self. 

I worked through some serious shit in that pool. The Universe confronted me with a choice: Do something different and get a different result or stay the course and get the same result. In short, grow or stay stuck. I said no thank you to the story I have been telling myself for decades in favor of writing a new one.

Natchez Trace Parkway

Hilly group ride with a run off the bike turned into
a solo ride with my cellphone, an emotional stop
for photos and an uncomfortable run off the bike

After Second Breakfast’s reward of pancakes, eggs and bacon, we were off to ride part of the Natchez Trace Parkway (a bucket list item for me). The National Park Service designates the entire parkway as a bike route. It travels from Nashville, though Tennessee and Alabama, to southern Mississippi, ending at Natchez, Mississippi. Commercial traffic is prohibited and the maximum speed limit is 50mph. Traffic is generally light except around Tupelo and Jackson in Mississippi. And there are no stop signs nor stop lights as access is via on/off ramps. It felt like biking heaven, ya’ll. 

Coach split us up into group based on The Lab ride’s average miles per hour. Big gulp…my average was 18.2mph and this was a big jump from the C/D no-drop group rides back at home pre-covid. I used to enjoy no-drop rides with people I did not know because I’d hang back and be the sweeper. With Covid, I’ve embraced self-sufficiency and I’ve always taken my cell with me while riding. Coach instructed us to buddy up and stick with the person the entire ride. Dislike. Then he said, “Or ride with your cellphone.” Saved from group work!!! Already had cell in ziplock bag in my jersey’s center pocket. My group scattered to retrieve their cellphones from their cars. Then no one in the group wanted to start before Coach’s “I do not want to see you in this parking lot after 11am” deadline. So I rolled out with 90 seconds to spare…and everyone followed. Just like always, people passed me soon enough and dropped me. Ah my happy place. 

A panoramic photo of the Natchez Trace Parkway Arches. Check out images of this architectural marvel not from its vehicle deck.

After scaling the Sun Gate, we earned our medals and the view of Machu Picchu below. The year was 2018.

I descended a hill onto the Natchez Trace Parkway Arches, a 1,500ft long bridge that towers 145ft above its Tennessee valley. It’s dubbed by locals “Suicide Bridge,” It scared the living fork out of me. I hadn’t foreseen my fear of heights being triggered during a ride. I was screaming and not in joy. The view was amazingly beautiful, but it was so wide open and so high up and with gusting wind. I stopped screaming and said out loud to myself, “You fucking hiked the Incan Trail to Machu Picchu. Get a hold of yourself. You crawled up a cliff to the Sun Gate with no railing and no safety harness. Just a bunch of Peruvian guides encouraging you. Get a hold of. yourself, J-Ho.” 

When I made it to the rest stop 12 miles from our starting parking lot, my group was still there. Then they went left and I went right because Coach had instructed us to turn back at the rest stop. On the way back I focused on enjoying the ride and embracing the wind instead of white knuckling through it. “The bike wants to remain upright,” I reminded myself of what a friend told me years ago. 

My second time over Suicide Bridge, I stopped to take photos. I leaned my bike on the bridge railing. Written in white letters was “Don’t let your demons win.” I chuckled. The Universe absolutely loves me. I was filled with gratitude. I’ve been fighting demons for decades, fought the not-good-enough demon during this very ride. I almost cried while taking photos of some of the rail writings and thinking, “How fortunate am I that I get to experience this?!?!”

I rode back to the parking lot and headed back out again. Legs were feeling fatigued and I was regretting not bringing EFS Liquid Shot. Nevertheless this ride was my favorite “emotional” session. I remembered where I started and saw how much I have grown as a person, athlete and particularly a cyclist. And then I got to run off the bike.

My legs were heavy from the start. I struggled with the heat and hills. Rolled back the effort to easy chill and even walked some of the 30min session. I ran out of hydration 14min in and turned back early because of that. The body was feeling the lack of hydration and I didn’t want to risk the next day’s sessions. After chugging my recovery drink, I made a decision that was great in the moment but hindered my sleep … Coke, real Coke with full sugar and full caffeine. D’oh. 

DAY 3: Long Trace Ride

When it’s C26 Kit Day and you only have tri shorts and running singlets, you still get in the 7am group’s kit photo

I got only 4.5 hours of sleep. It wasn’t all the Coke’s fault. A drunk woman in the house next door was yelling at 12:30-1am. I woke up, understood she was really upset with someone but couldn’t understand her slurred speech. I still showed up at 7am to ride my bike at The Trace. 

Coach said that if you have a hilly race soon like Lake Placid, go right and do yesterday’s route before going left to the rollers and flats. Coach said if you don’t have a hilly race soon, then start by going left for rollers and flats. You know me, I picked hills to start and rode solo with my friends Me, Myself and I … and Cellphone.

This time I focused on big gearing up the hills and pedaling down until I ran out of gears to get more bang for my buck. I practiced the mental work of keeping the pedals at 3 and 9 while NOT BRAKING on the descents. I said out loud, “It’s a good thing I’m a big girl. Shift your weight back, J-Ho, and ride it out. No braking. You are ok. The bike wants to remain upright. I am one with my bike. My bike is one with me.” Total confidence booster. I got better and better each climb and descent. And that lead to increased confidence. 

That said, this is the day that the mental fatigue of increased training, new people, traveling and lack of sleep hit and it hit hard. John went by across the street on the rollers to the flats section. He yelled something at me. I heard, “You’re running out of time.” Trigger of “you’re not good enough” detonated. I bitched and moaned to him in my head that I was doing me, that I’m an adult and can manage my own time, and to take care of himself. I told myself that he likely rode out to find me out of concern. 

I turned back a minute early because the flats had yet to appear. More bitching and moaning about his comment. When I saw him again on the opposite side of the road, I yelled, “You’re running out of time.” Not my finest moment for sure.

I got back to car with time to spare. I wasn’t able to open the car because John locked the spare key inside it. I racked my bike and took off my gear. Still no John, walked in my socks to the park shelter to get out of sun. Still no John. The hard-stop time to be back was 10:30. He rolled in at … you guessed it, 10:30. I went to the car, asked him what he had yelled at me (yes, I was hoping he’d say, “You’re rocking this ride” or really anything different than what I thought I heard). He answered me with “Be mindful of the time” or something like that and asked if I’d prefer him to lie. Point made. I got my recovery drink and walked back to the shelter to wait for Coach. The usual debriefing was extra brief…”Go to breakfast. I’ll tell you more there.” 

In the car driving to Second Breakfast, I realized this was me beyond my threshold of fatigue and that Coach was busy pivoting after learning today’s run site was overrun with a steeplechase (not the running kind but the horse kind). Time to sit with my anxiety about the plan changing and having to wait to learn more.

DAY 3: Pivot Run

Righting my attitude one step at a time

After hearing at lunch the revised plan for the run, I told John that I was considering skipping the run due to heat and sun. I was beyond over running in the heat and sun after Des Moines. Now I was firmly in the “fuck running” camp. 

We showed up at the Pivot Run to see a super small lot and a gravel parking area across the highway in full sun next to a community golfing area. I was actively considering not showing up at the meetup spot in favor of sitting in the air-conditioned car waiting for John. Still I geared up and showed up. I was deep in my poopy pants and negotiated with myself. “Listen to music while you shuffle. You can do that.” 

Waiting for Coach’s instructions had my anxiety (appearing as frustration and anger) off the chain. After he said, “Go run for 30 to 45 minutes,” I was one of the last people to get going. I started out easy and singing out loud. I said hi and encouraged everyone as I ran. I didn’t feel the love back from several people and told myself, “See, they are miserable in this heat too.” I got to the alleged end of the paved greenway, but some campers went down some steps to more trail. I went with the known trail and turned back. It was then that I decided to run 15min out for 30 total. I disregarded the barricaded off section of trail at the golf park. I was feeling rebellious and in need of shade. When I passed John, I gave him a high-five and said, “I’m back!!! Poopy pants gone. Positive attitude back onboard.” 

I got to 15min and decided on 20 for turnaround for total of 40. When I turned back at 20min, I pushed the effort a bit. More high-fives to friends new and old. When I got to alleged end of the trail again, I decided to go hard all the way back. When I saw the shade dissipating, I decided to go all out to the cooler and be done for a minimal-effective dose. I said to myself, “Self, all you can control is your attitude, effort and execution.” I ran a 9:27 average for the last 5min despite running into a tree branch and getting dizzy. That was all I had for that run. I had no idea in the moment how fast I was running. All I knew was that I wanted it over. Done!! Completely stunned to see negative splits.

DAY 4: Back to the Beach

Returned to Where it all Began for a Swim, Donuts and Goodbyes

Last session!!! I didn’t really want to show up for this, but we had time and I had no reason to not show up. Coach said to swim counterclockwise around the No Wake buoys. Sounds simple enough. Yeah no, it wasn’t. 

My legs felt like lead. The chop from the wind on the way out had me working hard. The way back went fast with the tailwind. As soon as I found my rhythm, I was a buoy away from turning toward shore and then back out. I confess that I stopped to walk while considering that second loop. 

My favorite new friend was on the shore and asked what I was doing. I told her I was feeling pukey. Then I said, “Fucking pride. I’m going.” The things we do because others are watching and encouraging us. 

Lots of dry heaving on the way out. This is the closest I’ve come to puking while swimming. Sighting into the sun and for buoys with an island behind them was challenging. After the turn back, I figured the dry heaving would stop. Nope, this was the worst motion sickness during an open water swim for me. 

That’s when I called it. Too much fatigue in the legs from the start with my arms and stomach barely hanging on. I walked out of the lake grateful for the experience of swimming in washing machine chop. And even more grateful for a final Second Breakfast of donuts delivered to the park by one heck of a Texan. 

The goodbyes felt endless as we said goodbye, then cleaned up at the park’s bathroom, then said goodbye again, then walked to the car, then said goodbye again. That favorite new friend paid me the biggest compliment. She said, “You made this camp for me.” And that’s after I bumped her bike with my bike the morning before, dropping her bike on the living room’s floor. 

I met a lot of awesome people in those 4 short days. I grew a lot in those 4 short days. Coach said camp would be life changing. He wasn’t wrong. It was out of my comfort zone and that is where growth happens. I changed in those 4 short days. And I can’t wait to go back to Nashville Triathlon Volume Camp next year … for more fun times training, eating and growing with friends no longer new to me.